Translate

Oliver

Oliver
My therapy dog

Welcome to The MS Chronicles!

Thank you for visiting. This blog was created by me, Cristen Salter, for other MS patients and their families in order to help them and myself cope with and face this disease. All information that are not personal experiences are thoroughly researched and cites are created in link or reference form. If you have a burning desire to ask me a question, please do so at cristen.salter@gmail.com. Enjoy and I hope you glean comfort, education and room for compassion for all those who suffer from this disease.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The tremble of tremors

When I say tremors at this point, I meant the anxiety about why things are happening to the body that I have no control over.
These past two weeks i have gone through major headaches like I have never experienced. I try processing the fear and can never figure out where they come from or why. It is baffling.
Two months ago I was suicidal, seriously, because I was taking a cocktail of pills that were prescribed to me. When a person goes to the doctor they expect the right hand knows what the left is doing. in my case, I was on adderol and was becoming very aggressive. So I went to the pharmacist, and they advised me that was the problem. I went off of it, but was still taking clenazepam, wellbutrin and Xanax on occasion. Depressed? You betcha. I weeped, cried, was unable to process any feelings without feeling hopeless - then after contemplating suicide, which is not my bag, I snapped out of it. I then called the doc and got back on my first regimine. Long story; which I will post another day.
These are the incidents that grow up around my disease and I wonder what all contributes to my feeling so unhealthy. I eat right, exercise, walk, play, laugh and do as much as I can to feel well. I have to get away from the drug pushers; which I am no longer on controlled substances, and I am very proud of this.
The tremble comes from the uncertainty of these things and what the future holds, and I get tremors of fear. I am so afraid - what will happen to me? Although I was glad to know the root of my health issues, I met it with bot relief and dread. The relief fads away as the dread fills me due to the lack of knowledge in the field.

*sigh*.