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Oliver

Oliver
My therapy dog

Welcome to The MS Chronicles!

Thank you for visiting. This blog was created by me, Cristen Salter, for other MS patients and their families in order to help them and myself cope with and face this disease. All information that are not personal experiences are thoroughly researched and cites are created in link or reference form. If you have a burning desire to ask me a question, please do so at cristen.salter@gmail.com. Enjoy and I hope you glean comfort, education and room for compassion for all those who suffer from this disease.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Deservability

My issue has always been deservability. I just don't feel you deserve the very best in life. I have been reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hays and listening to her 101 Affirmations on CD. They have done wonders for me, especially after all I am going through with my health. Another thing - I weighed 160 last year and brought myself to 118 by refusing to be overweight. MSer's have bad balance, therefore become weeble wobbles if they are overweight. I did something amazing. The prior year Erin and I went on the Atkins diet. I did well, even though I could not eat dairy or meat. However I hit a wall since I did not exercise. So I ate the complex carbs and maintained the weight until I got back on sugar. I fell twice and hurt myself badly, then twisted both my ankles. I looked horrible. One ankle is still healing.

One night I watched the Biggest Loser and how those huge people get up there half naked and without pride are willing to do what it takes to change their lives. So I stopped sugar. Then I got back on fiber, acidophilus, and complex carbs. Then I bought Jillian Anderson's DVD, "No More Trouble Zones." I did it 3 days a week and suddenly here I am, a size 2 again. I feel great. I never fall. I feel better about myself. And as a bonus, I look sexy as hell!! I got the DVD at Costco, then I got 2 others and Erin bought it on Wii Fit Plus for me for Christmas.

Then a magical thing happened. Erin started to exercise. She started to lose weight. She started to feel better. Thursday she got lap band surgery, and she is recovering. I feel so inspired, but I am the inspire-er!

Yes, I took the test. It is called the Law School Admissions Test, hence, LSAT. I had a hard time, but my psychic friend Dee told me I did better than I will expect. Let's hope so.I get the score on March 1. Say a prayer on that day. Law school is all I want. I don't even care about a man as much as that. If I do not do well, I will take it again. The school I am applying to in Denver does not average the scores. I also have the best Neuro-team here and get all sorts of benes.

So if I get a low score on the LSAT, I will study at every opportunity. I have all the materials. While cooking, eating, bathing, before sleeping. I would love for you to have a purpose in your life so you do not get distracted. I have to remember, deservability. You deserve the very best in life. 

Shopping! When I go to Wal-Mart I go with a gift card. My bills get paid first. I am on unemployment, so the account rarely gets touched. I am on my way to SSDI so I can get through law school. No one has money to help dig me out of things now. I have to be super careful about my money. I go there for needs when I do have money, but Costco is better. With Erin on a liquid diet for 6 weeks, we have 2 fridges full of food. So I am good. Plus, I got everything and more for Christmas. I Phone, GPS; the list goes on; not to mention the $5,000.00 the last boyfriend spent on clothes and shoes for me. I am good.

My health: I got a booby scare with recent mammography. They did a sonogram but found 2 swollen lymph nodes. I am getting a biopsy this Friday. Say a prayer at 1 pm your time. My family knows except for dad. he is so worried about me. I tell him everything, but this one I left to my brother Marc, who got cancer and Richie. MS: My cognitive abilities seem to be declining, but I can't say; I got a baseline Neuropsychology test and should probably do another. I was declined for long term care and my father is doing his best to get a policy so my brothers do not end up with me someday; mainly the costs and the care involved.

Valentine's day was pretty good, despite the missing boyfriend. My dad sent me a dozen multi-colored roses and I was thrilled. Next guy will have to live up to that and the unconditional love he has for me.

Mom is the same old story. Never called, sent nothing, has no idea what's happening with me. Does not really care. She is writing a book. I told her to keep me out of it. I have stopped hating her. I just accept that she is the best that it gets for me, and I have great friends, like Erin, who fill in the spaces.

I even tried talking with a social worker like her and she was just so awful. She told me law school was not in my future. I told her I carried 4.0's in legal studies my last 2 years of school, one of which I was already diagnosed! She got angry and hung up on me, told me I was annoying her. At first my feelings were hurt, but that woman was caustic and probably did not like her job. I would hate to see what she does with the terminally ill! 

Stay busy, study, and look up. It makes you feel better.