The tingle of terror

Things are feeling different health wise. My leg feels weaker, my head constantly hurts, ataxia is a normal occurance - even in my tongue. I am so afraid yet I can't let Lyle know I am not strong. If he thinks for one minute I am going to fall, he may leave.
This has not been proved. he just says things such as, " I can't even take care of me", and, " I can't promise I could be a good caretaker."
Then things get tumultuous and we fight. I decide to move out this weekend and he chases me. I stopped calling. I disconnect the phone for peace and quiet and he calls. He calls my cell which is off. Seems i found the key to our relationship - the more non-chalant I am and disassociated with his behavior and what he says, the more he chases me.
I hate to play that game but now I know he loves me and will do anything to keep me.

Back to the tingle. Geez, I really get scared when the numbness and tingling become present in my limbs. I take neurotin, Xanax, Copaxone and sumatiptan, yet they all seem not to work. I have a month on the Celexa. I hope I can cut the Neurotin to a very small dose. In my next post I will talk about drugs used to treat symptoms.

Co-owner of startup with fiancée - wishful thinking

Somehow, I am not sure at this point, things are just not working out as planned. I want them to be easy, happy and breezy. I am done with stress. I have a part time or less than part time job as a paralegal again - barely getting started and hope to be on disability and continue to work part time.
Just like my relationship, law is another area that I love yet am ambivalent about staying in because of the undue stress. I try to leave it behind and the dream two dreams keep tapping me on the shoulder - to be a lawyer and be married and live and love for the rest of my quality life. Just like my relationship - it seems I could always see it or try another way to approach and grow in it.
I can tell you two things about my life right now. Mid-life crisis is not about sex or your partner and how much you are getting. It is about looking down the barrel of the past and wondering how you got to the present and what it has done to the future laid before you. Every day I ask the universe - what choices have I made to shape the future. Everyday I hear a voice that tells me I am the one who creates my future and the sooner I realize I am responsible for my current conditions, really down to the core realize it, I have the power to change it.
I love Lyle. I have begun "A Course in Miracles" and already it is so unbelievable the pressure the exercises have lifted from my shoulders. No longer do I have unrealistic expectations of this man - I accept him as he is. He is trying hard to make me happy in a confusing, baffling, overloaded world of responsibilities of his own. His biggest wish is to love me and for me to love him and trust him. So yesterday I meditated on this and the answer came back from deep inside me - you must forgive those in the past for what they did not do; and love them for what they did. Anyway, the idea here is not to preach - we all have our own spiritual paths and I hope I have found mine.
The other issue in my life is my health. The same intelligence that created MS can cure it. How do I tap into this? That is my next journey. I have to leave all else behind.